Sample 5
My Precious Smash
Someone asked me, “What do you prefer, driving a car or riding a motorcycle?” I answered riding a motorcycle. Probably most of people will choose driving a car. A car is more comfortable and prestige than a motorcycle. You don’t have to feel hot when the sun shines or you don’t get wet when rain comes. I agree that cars are more comfortable than motorcycle, but I still prefer to ride a motorcycle. There are a lot of advantages of motorcycle. It is faster, Cheaper, and the most important thing that I don’t have to spend more time in traffic jam. Motorcycles are smaller than cars so we can find space to run away from the traffic.
Even though my father provides me a car at home, I always ride my motorcycle to campus. My blue black Suzuki smash. I take a good care of it, and also was hit by myself. My smash is very convenient and fast. It is 110 cc with blue color on the some parts and also black color on the other side. The police number of it is l 2004 JM some people said that the number is very good and easy to remember
I do many things to take care of my smash and also make it more beautiful. I wash it every week and I also put some stickers on it. There’re stickers of the initial name of my favorite football player, Peter crouch. There are P and C Stickers on left and right side of the smash body. There’s also a Liverpool FC sticker on the black side. Liverpool is my favorite football club. And there’s some bullet stockers on some part of it.
Unfortunately there are also scratches on my precious smash. It has fell twice so far, because I wasn’t carefully on the street. The other good things about my smash are the write light and the seat. It has white light both in the center light and also in the left and right. The seat is also comfortable, because I changed it with the new one. There’s one funny thing about my smash. It is the gas meter. The gas meter is error. On other motorcycle there are E and F, empty and it’s error. But I still love smash because it is fast and also comfortable.
The Generic Structure
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Someone asked me, “What do you prefer, driving a car or riding a motorcycle?” I answered riding a motorcycle. Probably most of people will choose driving a car. A car is more comfortable and prestige than a motorcycle. You don’t have to feel hot when the sun shines or you don’t get wet when rain comes. I agree that cars are more comfortable than motorcycle, but I still prefer to ride a motorcycle. There are a lot of advantages of motorcycle. It is faster, Cheaper, and the most important thing that I don’t have to spend more time in traffic jam. Motorcycles are smaller than cars so we can find space to run away from the traffic. (First paragraph)
Introduction
From the first beginning paragraph, the writer is like comparing two things and declares it together with the reasons. She compares driving a car and riding motorcycle. Then, she prefers riding motorcycle to driving a car. It is not the identification of the descriptive text. It is like the beginning paragraph of a discussion text.
Body
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The ideas of the second, the third, and the fourth paragraph are mixed. From the underlined black sentences, the writer states the same idea about what she does to take care of her motorcycle. While in the italic sentences, the writer describes the specific appearances of the motorcycle. Those ideas mentioned should be put together accordance with each same main idea to be better read and stay focus in coherence.
Moreover, in the fourth paragraph, there is a contrast. It is showed by the red colored sentences. On the first sentence, she says that there are scratches on her motorcycle which indicates the bad thing. Yet, on the second sentence, she tells the other good things about it.
In conclusion, we can see that there is no main idea in each paragraph which can be described by supporting details. So, the body paragraphs are not well arranged.
Conclusion
There is no conclusion paragraph included in this composition.
Language Features
a. The Use of Simple Present Tense
The sentence construction of this descriptive composition uses specific tense which is simple present tense. Here are the examples:
- You don’t have to feel hot when the sun shines or you don’t get wet when rain comes.
- I agree that cars are more comfortable than motorcycle, but I still prefer to ride a motorcycle.
- My smash is very convenient and fast.
Nevertheless, the writer uses past tense in the introduction and some parts of the body of the descriptive composition. (Someone asked me, “What do you prefer, driving a car or riding a motorcycle?” I answered riding a motorcycle)
b. Word choice of sensory words and figurative language
The student uses some sensory words in describing the appearance of motorcycle, such as the color and the parts of the motorcycle.
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