Introduction : Body : Conclusion : My Bi – bi

Sample 7

My Bi – bi

 

This year . 2009, Indonesia is introduced to BlackBerry, as we know Black Berry has a short name, BB. BB has so many type. From curve, Javelin, Bold, Strom, Tour and the one Gemini. The price is also different. As I know, Bold is around 5 Million Rupiahs, Curve is not produced anymore, Javelin is about 4 Million Rupiahs, Gemini is about 2 – 3 Million Rupiahs and it is cheapest one, for Strom and Tour I don’t know about the princes.

Well, mine is Bold, my brother bought it just 4,1 Million Rupiahs, because it’s the second hand. The ex – owner bought it and did not know how to use it and then he sold it. Not, It is mine. I love my bibi very much, Bibi is my BB’s name, I call it like that. For the provider, I use Axis. It’s really cheap; I just spend 100.000 Rupiahs for a month for BB’s activation. I can connect to the internet for a month and I can use BB Messenger, It uses for chat to the other BB’s owners.

My Bibi appearance is still good, no scratch, the track ball is still white, it wears black silicon and I have another silicon at home, blue and yellow. I put a screen guard on it too and my screen guard can used as a mirror. No one van take a look to what I look on my screen because the screen guard also protects my screen from spies. It is cool ! The silicon spent 150.000 Rupiahs and the screen spent 50.000 Rupiahs. Those things made me spent a lot of money. My friends have the funny name for this condition. They call it “ Kan.Ker”as known as” Kantong – Kering”.

Now I want to talk about the function of BB. It has 2 MP for the camera, 8 GB for the external memory, Push email, Connect to Facebook, my space, or Twitter, Check the weather, Chat to the other BB’s owners, And etc. Push email is very useful, You do not have to open your computer and connect to the net for check your email, every time you’ve got the new email, you can open it at your BB. Connect to Facebook is Useful too, You do not have to waiting for the long loading look like when you open from your computer or cell phone, Chat to the other BB’s owners is to wait like send messages like from cell phone.

Wow! BB has so many Functions. As long as we can use it for the good purposes. Every people can be addicted to BB if they don’t know to separate their time between works and learn how to use BB. So, don’t you want to use BB?

 

 

1. The Generic Structure

1. This year  2009, Indonesia is introduced to BlackBerry, as we know Black Berry has a short name, BB. BB has so many type. From curve, Javelin, Bold, Strom, Tour and the one Gemini. The price is also different. As I know, Bold is around 5 Million rupiahs, Curve is not produced anymore, Javelin is about 4 Million rupiahs, Gemini is about 2 – 3 million rupiahs and it is cheapest one, for Strom and Tour I don’t know about the princes. (First paragraph)

   Introduction

 

 

 

The student misses the introduction of descriptive composition. The introduction is like a report composition. She mentions the facts related to Blackberry. Every sentence stated is general things of it, such as the types and the prices of Blackberry.  

2. Well, mine is Bold, my brother bought it just 4,1 million rupiahs, because it’s the second hand. The ex – owner bought it and did not know how to use it and then he sold it. Not, It is mine. I love my bibi very much, Bibi is my BB’s name, I call it like that. For the provider, I use Axis. It’s really cheap; I just spend 100.000 Rupiahs for a month for BB’s activation. I can connect to the internet for a month and I can use BB Messenger, It uses for chat to the other BB’s owners. (Second paragraph)

   Body

 

 

 

 

 

      There are three ideas presented in the second paragraph, how the student gets her Blackberry, the provider used, and the function of it. Actually, the first idea is such retelling the history of getting her blackberry developed in two sentences. This paragraph is not well-arranged.

My Bibi appearance is still good, no scratch, the track ball is still white, it wears black silicon and I have another silicon at home, blue and yellow. I put a screen guard on it too and my screen guard can used as a mirror. No one can take a look to what I look on my screen because the screen guard also protects my screen from spies. It is cool ! The silicon spent 150.000 rupiahs and the screen spent 50.000 rupiahs. Those things made me spent a lot of money. My friends have the funny name for this condition. They call it “ Kan-Ker”as known as” Kantong – Kering”.  (Third paragraph)

 

 

 

 

There are also some ideas presented in the third paragraph, the appearance of her Blackberry and the price of the supporting accessories she uses. Moreover, the ideas are not completed with suitable supporting ideas.

 

 

Now I want to talk about the function of BB. It has 2 MP for the camera, 8 GB for the external memory, push email, connect to Facebook, my space, or Twitter, check the weather, chat to the other BB’s owners, and etc. Push email is very useful, you do not have to open your computer and connect to the net for check your email, every time you’ve got the new email, you can open it at your BB. Connect to Facebook is useful too, You do not have to waiting for the long loading look like when you open from your computer or cell phone, chat to the other BB’s owners is to wait like send messages like from cell phone. (Fourth paragraph)

           

 

 

 

            The fourth paragraph is about the function of the Blackberry. It is an idea as the main idea and well-constructed with suitable supporting details.

3. Wow! BB has so many Functions. As long as we can use it for the good purposes. Every people can be addicted to BB if they don’t know to separate their time between works and learn how to use BB. So, don’t you want to use BB? (Fifth paragraph)

   Conclusion

 

 

 

The writer misses an ending (conclusion). It is such a hortatory composition. It can be seen from the last sentence of the paragraph as the recommendation which is usually used in the hortatory composition.

 

2. Language Features

a.   The Use of SimplePresent Tense

The sentence construction of this descriptive composition uses specific tense which is simple present tense. Here are the examples:

-          I just spend 100.000 rupiahs for a month for BB’s activation.

-          I can connect to the internet for a month

-          I can use BB Messenger

      Nevertheless, the writer uses past tense in the body of the descriptive composition, such as in the second paragraph and the third paragraph.

-          my brother bought it just 4,1 million rupiahs, because it’s the second hand. The ex – owner bought it and did not know how to use it and then he sold it.

-          The silicon spent 150.000 rupiahs and the screen spent 50.000 rupiahs. Those things made me spent a lot of money.

     

      b.  Word choice of sensory words and figurative language

      The student just uses a sensory word, the color.